Woke up at 10 today.
Crap.

I forsee myself wasting my day away.
Argh.
-------------

Down, upset, distant, listless, desparate, exhausted, gloomy, depressed, miserable, powerless, sad, unhappy, vulnerable, weak, alarmed, anxious, apprehensive, cautious, disturbed, fearful, frightened, intimidated, nervous, restless, scared, suspicious, terrified, threatened, worried, distrustful, embarrassed, lost, mistaken, perplexed, tense, uncertain, uneasy, unsure, fatigued, insecure, confused, afraid, blue, helpless.

So many words [More though] to describe the feeling of sadness.
Randomess.

Sometimes in life you just feel so helpless, like you can't do anything or have the power to do anything. And that's even more when you must really have faith in the Lord to make things fine. Follow by faith and not my sight.
Wandered off. Maybe the Lord is getting me back on track.
There's so much more I've got to learn.

Ask, and it shall be given you; Seek, and ye shall find, Knock, and it shall be opened unto you
Matthew 7:7

Yesterday - Shopping in the evening with my mum at J8. Wheee. I went there myself first and I went to every single clothes store there before my mum came. HAHA. Spent quite a bit. But still I need more clothes.

Mugging at airport today with Fil, her sis and Huang Yu. Finally. Hahaha.
But well.... Not really effective BUT considered more effective than the past 2 days because I did not touch my stuffs at all. lol.

Played around with the camera.
Like always. [With HY around]

ALRIGHT.
Mental note to self: STOP SLACKING!!!

I ALWAYS wake up no earlier than 10am during the hols when I'm staying at home the whole day.
This is madness madness.
And I've been slacking from then till now AND the day's going to be over soon because I always stop work at 9pm.
Oh wow.

And I've been wasting my time thinking rubbish, recalling my weird dream, and playing my DS with my bro.

Jean and Fil: I've got Worms on my DS!!! HAHAH.
And they make cute noises like: "Stupid" and "Oh man!"
HAHAHA.

Alright. Besides the point, I think I had a weird dream last night. Not really weird but in the sense that the person involved IS weird. Not that the person is weird but dreaming of the person is weird! Eh wait. Come to think of it, it's not weird. BUT STILL.
WTH. I think my brain's screwed.

Random thoughts: I think I'm the most anti-social person around.

Haha.
There are some things I can't say, nobody to say them to, and don't know how to say them. Come to think of it, my life is rather pathetic. I've no aim, no ambitions. I don't even know what I want to take next time.
Or maybe I can't even make it that far, looking at the state I'm at now.

I feel like I've packets and packets of things locked within.
Sometimes you just feel like running away and not face these horrible truth, but at times you just can't run like you used to and it's like an emotional roller coaster again.

At times you just get so sick of everything.
And you wonder what does God really have in mind for you.
Whether it's something good or otherwise.
But no matter what, just trust in the Lord.

I'm beat.
I'm always so tired after I return on saturdays.
Mugging dulls the brain.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAH.
Gosh. I think I'll die when I start serious work.
Zzzzz.

Dr: The Z monster's here again. [sth like that]
Ahhh. I miss Dr.
---------------

And I don't know how long it'll take.
1 year. 3 years.
Or maybe forever.
All I know is I don't want any tinge of this anymore.

I was thinking.
How nice it'd be if nothing like this happened before.
But I can't pretend. And I hate pretences. Like everything's fine. Like nothing happened. Makes me pissed to the core.
But then it's because of things like these that makes you appreciate others more.
Some people learn from mistakes, some people don't. They just merely inflict the same thing which they once experienced to others.

And I pity those who don't.

One day.
I'm going to smile at you and say these 9 words:
______ ___ _______ ___ __ __ ____ ___ _____.

Till that day,
I'm going to make sense out of this whole crap.

I slept for 4hrs just now.
Oh wow. I'm not surprised.

And it's freaking hot. The temperature says it's 30 degrees in my house. 30 degrees. Madness. And L.C. says that his house is 25degrees. And that it's still cold if you lie on the floor. Like wth. I always thought it's constant throughout the whole of the country. No? But 5 degrees difference is seriously ridiculously unfair.

Hmmm. Let's see.
I think I've got my thoughts sorted out.
So if I ever go back to thinking anything which is not in my plan again, please slap me. Like seriously slap me.
Everything after the Big As.
Which means 6 months of cutting off. Alright alright. Manageable.
I don't want my mood to be spoilt in any way.
For now it's studies and friends and _______.

You know.
I don't know what took me so long to do that.
To bring myself to do that.
And now,
I feel like burning everything away.

MY THIRD POST IN 2HRS.
Like wth.
I always blog ALOT when I'm bored and rotting and infront of the com!

I agree with JM.
Listening to Stop Crying Your Heart Out makes me cry even more.


Jean just sent me a link.
Interesting. HAHAHA.

Your past life diagnosis:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern North New Zealand around the year 1350. Your profession was that of a banker, usurer, moneylender or judge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
As a natural talent in psychology, you knew how to use your opportunities. Cold-blooded and calm in any situation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your task is to learn, to love and to trust the universe. You are bound to think, study, reflect, and to develop inner wisdom.

HAHAHA.
Jean was a male mongolian temple dancer. HAHAHAH. Eh. So is Fil. HAHA.

Just for laughs.
And no. I don't believe in this.

"Felicia actually finished her e-learning. Like (censored words)!!! Oh my gosh. She's like a superwoman, I tell you. Finishes her homework within two hours everday and now, she even managed the feat of downloading the whole lot of crap for today's e-learning. Gawd. I'm stupefied and am completely stumped for words."

Quoted from Charlene's blog.
OH.
I just remembered I haven't mentioned that Charlene dreamt 2 days ago that I was her little sister and I got kidnapped by some ghost I think. HAHAHHA. So hilarious. And the ghost wanted me to play chinese ochestra for them. LOL. What a weird dream.
Ahhh. You're so cute I tell you. I thank God I got to know you!
And don't forget you'll be my daughter's God-mama alright! And influence her with your smartiness. HAHAAH.

Now that e-learning is opened throughout the hols,
people online at 9am is like so so so little! HAHAHA.

And crap.
I forgot all about GP e-learning.

I went to bed at 8pm plus yesterday. I realise whenever I'm feeling lousy, I'll just feel like sleeping and not do anything. Even the www doesn't have much appealing powers.
Oh. And I realise that I will at least sleep 6hrs if my mum/dad's at home and I'm at home. Hahaha. I just can't seem to study with them around. Feel so lazy lazy.

I spent like 2hrs yesterday going through my files in the com and sorted out my photos which were like everywhere. And I feel so accomplished because I've sorted out everything nicely and neatly and put them in folders like 'family' and 'friends'. Haha.

I sort of miss school. ):
Of course there are some things I don't miss, like: lessons and presence of _______. Hahaha.
But I miss playing family business with the guys and getting irritated with them for targetting us, I miss Fil's laughters, I miss Jean's scoldings of spongebob's friend, Charlene's whines about her being tired, Keyi's loudness, LJ's crappiness, Le Dung's tappings on the shoulder and then laughing at me, L.C's random words to me which others don't understand.
See. I miss so many things.
6 more months and we'll be out of JC. It feels rather slow and yet so fast.
I was telling Fil the other day that I'll miss our class. And I'll miss my ____ 1 very very very much. Ahhh. ): Why must this year pass so quickly. Now I'm sad. HAHAHA.

Nearing the end of Family Business where almost all the cards are in R.I.P form and the graves are all lined up nicely. Hahaha.

I don't want holidays. Everyone should be made compulsory to go back to school and mug. HAHA.
E-learning is boring.
I'm bored.
BORED.
I want to go out.

Ohhh.
And Artbox sells very very very nice letter pads!! (:

Randomness. Just happened to come across pictures in my com.

& I can't wait for tomorrow. (:
And I want to eat my B & J ice cream no matter what. I've been craving for it for damn long.

I'm done with E-learning for the day.
HAHAHAAHHA.
[But the ironic thing is. I haven't learned a single thing.]

And yayy.
Filza finally sent me the photos.

Soccer yesterday.
MJ champions. (: (: (:
I didn't want to go at first. But because of waiting for the stupid notes I have to go. Oh wells.
I never fancy soccer.
I'm going to make sure my future husband doesn't play soccer or like soccer so much. WHICH I'm sure there's people like that around. [Because I found one.]

And throughout the match I was getting irritated by this idiot who keeps shrieking away. Not cheering. But seriously shrieking. Goshhh. Felt like just stuffing the clappers into her mouth.

The only thing I like about going is that we got to meet up with my TKG friends. (: (:

4e3 VJ and MJ (:
[Not all present]


And I happened to see Fawn a.k.a BESTFRIEND!! Hahaha.

Went TM Pizza Hut for dinner after that. With Jean, Fil, Atiqah and the guys. Planned to have it with like 5 people only. In the end more weird people joined in and the size increased by twice. On the way there Danial was acting babaric, chewing on the straw meant for blowing the clappers. HAHAHA. And LJ also acted like a danial. [a.k.a babaric]
At Pizza Hut we were damn noisy. Played 7-Up to see who gets the last slices of pizza and we spammed cheese and some syrup that comes with the lemon tea. Hahaha.
Fun but tiring.

Was damn tired after the whole thing.
Went back home. Got my daily dosage of happiness and it's off to lalaland.
----------

Ohhh.
And some more photos.
Last moments Metta.

My favourite girl. (:

Awww.
I miss the kids!

HAHAAHA.
I'M SO DISTRACTED FROM E-LEARNING.

Oh well.
As expected.
E-learning is so screwed up. Loading damnnnn slowly.
What's the use of having specific time slots.
I rather wake up at 4 in the morning to do. Waste of my time.

It took me so long to realise
That nothing's changed
And never will
All these years of standing still

And I realise it's no point thinking and brooding over it when I'm the only one who's doing that. Giving all the things and yet getting all the shit. And it's not worth it. Over someone/something like this it's not worth it. Humans are foolish creatures who can be blinded by things. Maybe because the heart is inside that's why it can't see. I'm so tired already you know. Never have I been so hurt over something. For such a long span of time. That was probably the last straw. Getting a backlash over a joke made.
Nevermind nevermind.
It doesn't matter to you anyway. No significance.
After all there are many substitutes around.
L.C. said that the problem with me is that I know what's the problem but I'm still like that.

It's time to focus. Get your priorities right.
To find the place I love the most. Someone who'll always be there to put a genuine smile on your face. Someone who'll really go to extents just to make you happy and give up anything for you. Who appreciates you, who reaches in and touches your heart. And that's when you feel really warm inside and know that you're not alone. I think that's the first time in my life I'm feeling that way.
------------------

Time now is 10.23.
Got distracted here and there from elearning.
I can't access the last section of chem.
Physics stuffs are nowhere to be found.
Econs is loading damn slowly.
Seeee. We still can access other folders outside our time-slot.
Like wth. Defeats the whole purpose.
I think everyone's giving up on e-learning.
Like nothing's loading.
So much for dumping technology on us and then going off the NTU.

Oh wow.
I can't update my travel declaration online because the stupid server is so screwed up.
And I can't even access IVLE to do the bloody student perception survey.
And in case you didn't realise, I'm becoming more and more crude with my words nowadays.
No good no good.
I better find back the quiet gentle Felicia whose vocabulary does not exist unkind words. -Nods nods-

Soccer finals tomorrow.
Why am I not excited about it.
All I think about is how sticky and hot I'll be.
):
I hope MJ wins so that my efforts of staying there under the hot sun is not wasted. Haha. Nahh. I sincerely hope they win from the bottom of my heart.

Dinner with Fil, LJ and Quek.
It's been such a longggg time since I had KFC. (:
And LJ refuses to donate to the F & F foundation for Ben & Jerry's funds. This is what you get after waiting for someone for like 90mins [minus 30mins] when he said it'll only take 9mins. HAHA.

And and and.
[Doctor if you're reading this]
I DECLARE THAT I WANT DR TO BE OUR CHEM TUTOR!!!
Dr please don't leave. ))):

Played Asshole Taidee before chem make-up lecture. Damn funny. 9 people played and it was rather fun.
The vicious poverty cycle. Hahaha.
Awww. I think I'll miss all our card games times when I leave MJ!! ):
We shall all meet up when we're 50 and old and play cards together! Haha!

I dread Midyears.
I hope this week doesn't end.
):

Rah. E-learning is crap crap crap.
Our normal friday time-table ends at 12.05 and now we're made to follow this rubbish timetable which extends all the way till 6pm. Like when do we even end lessons at 6pm before.

I'm sleepy. Went home after having pizza hut with my parents and I slept for like 4 frigging hours. And now I'm sleepy again. Haha.

There must be a reason for giving up something.
I want the questions to stop. I want more answers.

Or maybe sometimes we should just look forward and stop tracking back.
Maybe because the past seems so pretty that you just get stuck in it. Or maybe it's because the future seems so bleak and scary, and you don't know what's awaiting. But whatever it is dreams stop someday and maybe it's now time for them to stop.

And it's time like these when you wished you have a secret place where you can go, where you can whisper what you know; where you can hide, where no one sees your life inside.

A place where I can go when I'm lost.
And there I'll find me.

I need a place to spend the day
Where no one says to go or stay
Where I can take my pen and draw
The girl I mean to be

Haha.
Random thoughts.
I'm always so random.
And I was listening to some interesting conversation during maths lecture today.
It's really so amusing to see someone in that state.
I wonder how I behaved last time. lol.

Watching the heavens, from a window where I sit
But I'm alone this time
Missing the sound of your laughter inside my heart
So I'll just close my eyes

My stupid blogger's in chinese. The main page. Seems like a whole load of gibberish to me.
My chinese has became all rubbish-ey already. That's bad.

Our Metta SLC days ended yesterday.
Boo. I thought I'd be so happy I'm out of it. But no!! I miss the kids!
Awww. Took photos and everything. Shall talk more about it when Filza send me the photos.

And and and.
MJ beat SAJC in the boys soccer semi-finals! (: (: (:
The scenario was damn funny.
After our last consultation with Godi, Fil, Jean and I went down and joined Louis and his friends and there was like practically a live coverage over the phone with someone over at the match there. The situation was so messy coz over the line people were screaming and shouting and thus miscommunication sets in and everything.
Until someone finally shouted: MJ WON!
And we started cheering. Hahaha.
At the end of the thing, our table at the study bench attracted a rather huge crowd laa. Hahaha. So funny. And fun. (:
Yay yay yay. It's soccer finals again.
I hope that MJ will be champions. (:

Oh. And these few days I'm super short tempered. You get abit on my nerves and I'll bite your head off. Not really laa. HAHA. I'll just try to control until you irritate me further and I'll just snap at you. So please forgive me if I sound harsh or whatsoever.

On a final note: I'll be frigging stress over maths lecture until corelations and regression is done. Must always be on your toes. Argh. Haha.
And. Hypo testing is bloody confusing. I can't get the frigging answer.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Today is yet another laughing day.

Lavender's blue, dilly dilly,
Lavender's green
When you are King, dilly dilly,
I shall be Queen

Stupid Filza kept singing the Lavender's Blue song. That childish song we used to sing back in primary school or even kindergarten. HAHAHA.

And after chem extra lesson we tried playing the mimi game with Dr. His reaction was so so funny laa! Filza was like passing him air, [saying that it's Mimi] and he was so scared. HAHAHA. And he almost fell off the chair. Oops.
But seriously this is the first time I see Dr like this! Haha.

AND AND.
Filza and Atiqah [Particularly the former] entertained us with their Father Abraham dance at the corridor somewhere around 2nd floor staffroom. Gosh. Like 2 childish kids dancing and yaking away. Jean and I laughed till our stomachs were cramping laa. Hahaha.

Slacked around after school playing worms on psp. I kept losing and Fil kept winning. ):

And then I thought of a perfect song to sing:

Where did I go wrong
I lost a friend my worm
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
----------
):
My poor cute little worms.
Please target Jean's ones next time.
Hahah.

Alright.
Godilocks essay. I'm going to type them out I don't care.
And I'll be only doing 2 out of 4. That's the max I'll do.
I'm left with 1 more hr to complete all 2.
Hohoho.

Too many people to ache over.
Maybe if my heart stops beating
it won't hurt this much.

Not emo-ing.
I just like the morbidness of it.
And L.C, stop calling me emo.
And stop moving around during chem lecture. [It's making me dizzy]
And next time you probe into my bag, state your reason if not I'll go: "Wth is he doing."

Happy Mothers' Day.

I think sometimes we just take things for granted.
I don't know why I'm so random.
But I think it's really true that humans just have the tendancy to not treasure things until they're lost.

Friday:
Went Mothers' Day shopping at tm with Fil, Danial and LJ.
We played Family Business with some other guys before that while waiting for Danial. lol. It's like some addiction.
Blahh.
Shopped around and everything. Kept talking about mentos and St____ and _a____ and ______n. Stupid LJ and Danial refused to tell me anything because they think that I've got nothing for them to threaten with! [In case I spill the beans.] And oh, I've got 50% of Carl's Karl's Junior! HAHAHA. [Inside thing]
And we ended up sitting at Macs and played Family Business again.
HAHAHA.
Was damn tired after the whole thing.

Saturday:
Went out to shop for Mothers' Day gift. Managed to buy something.
Caught Iron Man. I didn't want to at first, but well..
Not bad actually. Quite worth the money. I don't like action movie actually. Gives me a headache most of the time but Iron Man was fine. Pretty nice actually. The technology featured in there is so so so cool. Haha.

Stayed out till 8pm plus then went home.
(: (:
-------------

Oh. And we went home after dinner today and my mum scared the hell out of me and my bro by screaming out loud when she flicked on the lights and claimed that she saw something fleeting across the table. Which later she said it's a lizard. Hahaha.

The sudden feeling of sian-ness.
Triggered off by something really really stupid.
I should just go and sleep.

More laughing today.
School was fine.
Chem and Econs tutorial was funny as usual.
Ms Loh is so cute. Haha.

Goldilocks.
Nolilocks.
GoldiLOCK.
(Inside joke)

And today's more Family Business day. (:


Randomness:
Guys are disgusting.
One exception.
And maybe a few others in our class. And a few others.
Haha.

Like a blade stabbed in.
Didn't realise it still matter.

Past 3 days of school has been fun.
I can't really remember what we did but it was laughing laughing and more laughing.

Monday:
Stayed back after school to support our class guys for their 2.4km. Sat at the side of the track and shouted like nobody's business. Think we were causing a lot of disturbance. And we were too shouting for random ppl like "Go number 93" [Can't rmb the exact number] and "Go M's friend."
HAHAHA.

Tuesday:
Can't rmb what happened. But it was a happy happy day I think.
Chem after school is funny. Maths is funny.

Dr: Kang Li, how to draw the cycle?
K.L: Errr... What cycle?
Dr: How do you get from point A to point B? By..... Cycling.

Okay. The actual scene is funnier.

Played worms on Fil's psp with Jean as well. It's like so cute laa. The worms. Haha.

Wednesday:
It's finally end of SPA laa. Can kiss it goodbye omg. I'll so not miss you.

Today's laughing day as usual and 'Family Business' game day.
Played with the guys during break and after the civil service talk.
Civil service talk = Drawings. Laughters. Pointing at the ceiling.

And Family Business = Hutus and Tutsis.

Fun fun fun. (:
Oh. And I think I dreamt about physics spa yesterday night.
I dreamt that the question given was sth like conduct an experiment on how Patrick killed Spongebob. (or the other way round) And in the end we don't know how to do and ended up discussing. Then we had to take another retest at Dunman High. HAHAHAHA.
Damn retarded.

Physics and maths test grades were surprisingly good.
Like woahhh.

I feel like just tearing my throat out and maybe I'll stop coughing. Irritating to the max. ):

I'm supposed to be doing my GP reading assignment now before Mrs Seng chops my head off but I'm distracted chatting and blog hopping. Hahaha.
I'm just so utterly lazy to do. Sorry Mrs Seng.

Stupid cough. Stupid flu.
It's so retarded sneezing and sneezing when it's SO hot.
I think the effects of global warming is starting to show itself.
It's so so so unbearably hot. Standing 10s under the sun makes me whine. I'm such a pampered little girl. :(

We should just all go back to the stone age. Where we won't pollute the environment and kill Mother Earth. And there won't be any nuclear weapons of mass destruction and everyone should plant their own vegetables. What a happy happy life.

Charlene: I wished that I was at an era where women were discriminated.
Us: HUH.
Charlene: So that we don't have to study.

HAHAHA.
This conversation just popped into my head.

I slept from 8pm to 7.30am yesterday. Coz I was sick. Boo.
Feeling like a pig.
And just now I was lying on the bed after lunch and I was telling my brother I can just go to sleep and wake up only tomorrow. HAHAHA. Of course I was kidding.

Physics spa skill A.
I seriously have no idea what's going on.
I don't even know how to write the headings.
:/ :/ :/


4 months. 14 months. 14 years. 40years. 44years.
Forever.

Today's supposed to be a really really short day.
Because it's a friday.
Plus we have 2 tests means left like 2 period of proper studying.

Physics test was careless.
Crap crap crap.
Left hand rule is supposed to use left hand right.
Apparently I have no idea which is my left and right hand.
How dumb can I get.
Maths test is...
surprisingly manageable.
BUT still. Carelessness.

I hope I'll do fine for both tests. But you can't expect much if you've crammed 5 chapters in 1.5 hours the previous day.

And I'm down with stupid throat infection again.
The mean is like once every month. Stupid right.

Let X = no. of times Felicia gets throat infection in a month.
X~Po(1)

Econs extra lecture after school was crap, yet fun. HAHA.
The group of us were making a whole lot of noise laughing and laughing.
Tried to pluck out Ke wei's white hair.
And Fil and I were competing who writes faster, using right hand, then left hand, then writing mirror image. Our handwriting were damn horrendous.

Expansionary Fiscal Policy
- Heat the policy

Hahahahaha. [Inside joke]